Book Review: How to Be an Ex-Footballer by Peter Crouch

All good things come in threes, just ask any footballer who’s ever scored a hat-trick. In fact, ask Peter Crouch who has scored many a hat-trick and has just released his third book. So that’s a hat-trick for a England and a hat-trick of books to his name, surely placing the former forward in a league of his own as the only person to have achieved a triumvirate in both fields? Answers on a postcard if you know otherwise. But, either way, both accomplishments are no mean feat and just as with a hat-trick the third goal seals the deal, so too does Crouch’s third book affirm what his previous two tomes pointed towards: Crouch is a natural and compelling storyteller. Having previously covered the weird and wonderful life of being a footballer to great effect, this latest book changes its focus slightly to the weird and wonderful life of being a former football, that is the jobs and careers of retired footballers, and, no, before you ask, it’s not all working on their golf handicap, though, I’m sure, a few of them do that too.

Joking aside, though, Crouch reflects on the fact that life after football often isn’t the fantasy many envision. Despite the money increasingly in football, retiring young comes with very real psychological, emotional, physical and sometimes financial burdens, oftentimes which footballers just aren’t ready for, so while an image of a former tough-tackling midfielder living the life of riley in the Cotswolds may come to mind, in reality the shift into retirement and what that looks like can be much less appealing. Savvy players may head into retirement with a healthy nest egg and with the figures that are banded around the pro game today it seems there should be few excuses for former footballers to have financial difficulties, although the book suggests this too isn’t always the case. Whether for financial reasons or a need to fill the void, many former footballers find themselves pursuing new careers when they’ve hung up their boots and Crouch explores the obvious and not-so-obvious post-football pathways.

From managers to pundits, artists to actors, restaurateurs to teachers, the book concentrates on a number of different professions, with Crouch identifying some of the former players now plying their very different trades and discussing some of these careers with the players themselves, including Gavin Peacock who swapped the penalty box for the pulpit as a priest and Jody Craddock who put down his shinpads and picked up a paintbrush for a successful career as an artist. There are former players who have ditched the glitz and glamour of the global sports business for the nitty-gritty of life as a fireman, van driver or even an undertaker, while other pros have replaced one high-flying role for another as hedge fund managers and Hollywood heroes. There is a tattooist, a sanitation consultant and a president, a vacuum entrepreneur, a detective and a wrestler, and then there’s Tino Asprilla, whose post-football pursuits I won’t spoil for you, but he’s certainly found a niche! It’s an eye-opening exploration of life after football, delivered, as ever, with Crouch’s natural humour and wry observations. However, there’s also a more serious undercurrent to the book, which Crouch touches on in his final chapter.

Titled The Troubled, Crouch explores the darker side of retirement and reflects on those whose paths in and beyond football have been more problematic. It’s a reminder of footballers as human beings, their flaws and challenges, their addictions and struggles, their mistakes and reparations. Yes, football is glamorous, yes, it’s swimming in money and, yes, playing football for a living is a dream many of us wished we’d got a chance to live, but it also comes with a short shelf life, a pool of sharks and scammers and one of the most abrupt shifts imaginable, from superstar footballer to has-been ex-footballer. It’s a lot for anyone to get their head around, but for mostly young men who have only experienced life in a pampered, dreamlike bubble, it’s easy to see how navigating the real world can be a genuine challenge and why some prefer to leave their footballing pasts well and truly behind. For every successful pundit, there’s a footballer struggling to adjust to life; and while some may find a new lease in becoming a painter, a detective or an MP, the path for others isn’t quite so rewarding. In a Jerry Springer-esque final thought, Crouch thus asks of his readers a simple request: to choose a former footballer and give them a day: ‘mark it in your diary and celebrate them as they once were, and as they are now,’ he urges, ‘don’t’ let them be forgotten.’

So, in the spirit of Crouch’s appeal, I allocate today, the 22 October, George Boateng Day. Stalwart of Coventry City, Villa, Middlesbrough and Hull to name a few, Boateng hung up his boots in 2013 and is now assistant coach of the Ghana national team. Happy George Boateng Day, everyone.

Jade Craddock

(Publisher: Ebury Press. October 2022. Hardcover: 288 pages)

Other reviews:

How to be a Footballer by Peter Crouch

I, Robot – How to be a Footballer 2 by Peter Crouch

 

Buy the book here:Peter Crouch

2021/22 Premier League books (Part 2) – Reds to Canaries by Jade Craddock

With the new Premier League season just around the corner and a host of familiar and new players gracing the league, there’s plenty of stories to be written, metaphorically and literally. Here, we take a look at each club and pick an already published autobiography from a player of the Premier League era that’s worth a read and one from the current crop that would appeal.

Liverpool

Past: As one of the most successful teams in English football, the Premier League eluded Liverpool for almost three decades, but after near-misses in 2002, 2009, 2014 and 2019, they finally put their PL duck behind them, scooping the top trophy in 2020. For a club that has had FA Cup, League Cup and Champions League success in that time, the Premier League was a long time coming, but the 2019/20 team guaranteed their place in the Reds’ long history. When it comes to past players, the Premier League roster reads like a who’s who of the best footballers in the world, so it comes as no surprise that a fair few autobiographies have followed. In fact, Liverpool are amongst the best represented when it comes to former players. Indeed, you can make a veritable XI of Liverpool Premier League autobiographies: Dudek – A Big Pole in Our Goal (which just edges out Pepe Reina’s Pepe purely on its title); Jamie Carragher – My Autobiography/The Greatest Games; Neil Ruddock – Hell Razor/The World According to Razor; Sami Hyppia – From Voikkaa to the Premiership; John Arne Riise – Running Man; Jamie Redknapp – Me, Family and the Making of A Footballer; Steven Gerrard – My Story; Gary MacAllister – Captain’s Log; Fernando Torres – El Nino; Robbie Fowler – My Life in Football; and Luis Suarez – Crossing The Line. That list excludes books by Xabi Alonso and Dirk Kuyt which are yet to be translated into English, as well as books by Bruce Grobebelaar, Jason McAteer and Michael Owen. Whilst John Barnes published his autobiography in 1999, my pick is his forthcoming book The Uncomfortable Truth About Racism.

Present: Liverpool can already count two published authors amongst their ranks in James Milner, who published Ask A Footballer in 2019, and Andy Robertson, who published Now You’re Gonna Believe Us in 2020. And with some of the league’s biggest hitters in their squad, it’s likely that the writing bug will catch on. But where to start? In goal, with Alisson, who has already won the Copa America and Best FIFA Goalkeeper Awards on top of the Premier League, Champions League and Club World Cup at Liverpool? Or at the back with 2019 PFA Players’ Player of the Year Virgil van Dijk? Or maybe in midfield with the captain who guided Liverpool to their first Premier League title, Jordan Henderson? What about up front with twice Premier League Golden Boot winner Mo Salah? Or how about Mane? Or Firmino? Or Trent Alexander-Arnold? It’s something of a publisher’s dream surely. But if I had to pick one, I’d go with Mo Salah, for his journey from Egypt, via Switzerland to relative disappointment at Chelsea before a move to Roma and a return to England that saw him become one of the world’s greatest players. And the title? Well, it has to be The Egyptian King, doesn’t it? Or maybe The Pharaoh, either will do.

Manchester City

Past: If we’d been compiling this list at the start of the Premier League era, pre-Millennium, Manchester City’s story, and its players, would have looked very different indeed. Those first years of the top flight actually saw City slide all the way down to Division Two before yo-yoing back between Division One and the Premier League. It was only in 2002 that Manchester City returned to the big time, but with modest returns for a decade, until the breakthrough came in 2012 with the first Premier League title. Since then, it’s been a very different story, with Manchester City winning four of the next nine campaigns, with a lowest finish of fourth in 2016, and central to that rejuvenation has been a host of big-name incomings. Not least Sergio Aguero, who spent a decade at City and struck that famous title-winning goal, before departing in the summer and whose autobiography was published in 2014. Who could forget David Silva either – another player to give the Manchester side a decade of incredible service – for whom a tribute book was published last year. But the beating heart of the team for over a decade? None other than their captain, Vincent Kompany, a relative unknown when he arrived from Anderlecht in 2008, but who left the north-west a true City legend. So he’s the pick for City, with his 2019 book, Treble Triumph.

Present: A case can be made for virtually every Man City player when it comes to an autobiography. Phil Foden may only be 21, but he has already won the U17 World Cup, been a European Championship and Champions League runner-up, won an FA Cup, two Community Shields, three Premier Leagues and four League Cups! Most players would love to win half of that by the end of their careers! At the other end of the spectrum is Kyle Walker, who, ten years Foden’s senior, has played in League One, won the Championship, finished fourth at a World Cup and has experienced both the lows and highs of football. Last year’s Premier League Player of the Season Ruben Dias has had only that one season in England but has already made his mark, whilst the winner of Premier League Player of the Season for 2019/20 was another man from the blue half of Manchester – Kevin de Bruyne, whose story surely will be penned in the not-too-distant future. Another City icon, Fernandinho’s journey takes him from Brazil via Ukraine to England and now 36 he’ll surely be relishing his ninth season in the Premier League and seeking that elusive Champions League. But one player who has rewritten the script in more ways than one and whose story he has taken ownership of is Raheem Sterling. Named Golden Boy in 2014, Sterling’s journey has not been without difficulty, but his 2021 MBE attests to the challenges he’s not only overcome but faced head on. Still only 26, he has plenty of time to accomplish even more, but he’s already got a notable story to tell.

Manchester United

Past: Manchester United are the runaway leaders when it comes to the most Premier League titles, with thirteen. Yet despite their early domination in the nineties, their most recent trophy came nine seasons ago in 2013 – in, not at all coincidentally, Sir Alex Ferguson’s last season at Old Trafford. In recent times, the Red Devils have struggled to really put up a notable challenge for the title, though signs of recovery have been shown in the last couple of seasons under former United marksman Ole Gunnar Solksjaer. Given the size and stature of United, it’s no surprise that there are a host of autobiographies to choose from, so, as with fierce rivals Liverpool, here’s an eleven-a-side of reads. Peter Schmeichel – One (forthcoming in September); Gary Neville – Red; Jaap Stam – Head to Head; Rio Ferdinand – Thinking Out Loud (two previous autobiographies have also been published but this one reflects on the important subjects of grief and loss in Ferdinand’s life); Patrice Evra – I Love This Game (forthcoming in September); Michael Carrick – Between the Lines; Roy Keane – The Autobiography/The Second Half (surely an Extra Time is due shortly); Eric Cantona – My Notebook; Paul Scholes – My Story; Andy Cole – Fast Forward; and Dwight Yorke – The Autobiography. Notable absences are of course David Beckham, who has some five books to his name and Wayne Rooney who has his own trilogy. However, when it comes to picking one icon of Manchester United’s past it surely has to be the club’s most successful manager, Sir Alex, whose books include A Year in the Life, Managing my Life, My Autobiography and Leading.

Present: With the arrivals of Jadon Sancho and Raphael Varane, Manchester United have added two huge talents to their roster and two who would arguably be perfect subjects for autobiographies – Sancho, still only 21, has made his mark in the Bundesliga and was named Golder Player at the U17 European Championships, whilst Varane has won nearly all there is to win in Europe as well as a World Cup for France. In terms of more familiar United faces, they don’t come much more familiar than David de Gea who has been at the club ten years and was part of the Red Devils’ last successful Premier League triumph in 2013. Marcus Rashford has been at the club boy and man and whilst he has already published a hugely inspiring book aimed at younger readers (You Are A Champion), his is surely a story that needs to be told. Harry Maguire’s impressive Euro 2020 showing was a reminder of how he became the most expensive Premier League defender, whilst Jesse Lingard’s performances on loan at West Ham last season recalled the flair and skill of the Academy product – both of whom would make for great reads. Edinson Cavani’s journey from Uruguay to Italy, France and finally to England, racking up the Coppa Italia, Ligue 1 and Copa America along the way would be worth a tome, but in keeping with the theme of Manchester United’s mercurial French mavericks, Paul Pogba gets the vote.

Newcastle United

Past: Starting the Premier League era in Division 1, Newcastle were the first side to get promoted, finishing first in 1992/1993, and joining the top flight, where they stayed for some sixteen seasons. Relegation in 2009 was followed by immediate promotion in 2010 and a similar pattern ensued in 2016 when the Magpies found themselves once more in the Championship before bouncing back at the first time of asking. In their four seasons back, Newcastle have enjoyed some degree of stability but nothing quite as high-flying as their back-to-back second-placed finishes in 1996 and 1997. When it comes to former players, one name sticks out, certainly in the Premier League era – Alan Shearer, and, unsurprisingly, there’s a couple of books, with Dave Harrison, that cover the number 9’s prolific career as the League’s all-time top goalscorer, as well as the more recent My Illustrated Career. Newcastle’s other famous son, Paul Gascoigne, also has a number of books to choose from, charting successes and struggles on and off the pitch. Cult figures David Ginola and Nolberto Solano also published autobiographies, the former titled Le Magnifique and the latter Blowing My Own Trumpet, while Shay Given, who spent 12 years on Tyneside, brought out his autobiography, Any Given Sunday, in 2017. But whilst Shearer may be the player that defines Newcastle United’s Premier League history, and his statue stands in pride of place outside St James’ Park, it is joined by the manager who defined this period in the club’s recent past – Sir Bobby Robson. A couple of recent biographies by Bob Harris (Bobby Robson: The Ultimate Patriot) and Harry De Cosemo (Black & White Knight) offer new reflections on the man, but for the definitive autobiography, look no further than Farewell but Not Goodbye.

Present: The icons of Newcastle’s past make for a very hard act to follow and a number of exciting players, like Allan St Maximin and Callum Wilson, are still only in the infancy of their Tyneside journeys, whilst both Ryan Fraser and Matt Richie have had expansive careers. While Joelinton made the move to Newcastle via Germany and Austria from Brazil, Miguel Almiron came via Argentina and the MLS from his native Paraguay and remains only one of eight Paraguayan players to feature in the Premier League across its history. Jamaal Lascelles and Jonjo Shelvey both stand out, though, when it comes to the final pick. Captain Lascelles started out at Nottingham Forest before making the move to Newcastle in 2014 and has been instrumental in the last six seasons, including the Magpies’ most recent promotion from the Championship. Jonjo Shelvey, however, has a bit more of a varied journey, spending time in his youth at Arsenal, West Ham and Charlton, before breaking through at the latter. A move to Liverpool followed, but three years after his arrival he departed for Swansea City before finally settling on Tyneside in 2016. Shelvey has made over 170 appearances for the Magpies.

Norwich City

Past: No one could accuse Norwich City of not having had an eventful past, not least in the last two decades of the Premier League era, in which they’ve been relegated from the top-flight four times, relegated from the Championship once and experienced no less than six promotions. Canaries fans will surely be hoping for a smoother ride this time out back in the Premier League, following their immediate promotion last season. Fans looking for a Norwich autobiography are not overwhelmed with choice, it has to be said, but there are a few knocking around out there, including top striker in 2003/04 Darren Huckerby and former goalkeeper Bryan Gunn, whilst Iwan Roberts’ All I Want For Christmas offers an insider look at Norwich’s promotion-winning 2003/04 season, taking the campaign month by month. However, pick of the bunch goes to Grant Holt, with his autobiography A Real Football Life. Club top scorer in League One in 2009/10, the Championship in 2010/2011 and three consecutive seasons in the Premier League from 2011 to 2014, although, surely, he’s remembered just as fondly in wider circles for his foray into wrestling in 2018.

Present: As Daniel Farke prepares his team for another go at the Premier League, he’s assembled a squad with a mixture of youth and experience. Exciting youngsters like Todd Cantwell, Max Aarons and loanee Billy Gilmour are all ones for the future but are surrounded by some incredible support in older heads. Grant Hanley started his youth career with Queen of the South before joining The Railwaymen of Crewe Alexandra, returning north of the border to Rangers and finally breaking through at Blackburn Rovers. His travels have since taken him to Newcastle before a move to the Canaries in 2017. In addition, he’s earned over 30 caps for Scotland and was part of their historic return to the Euros this summer. Teemu Pukki’s journey is even more distinct, starting out in his native Finland, before moving to Sevilla in Spain, HJK in Finland, Schalke in Germany, Celtic, Brondby in Denmark and finally Norwich, where he didn’t take long to make his mark, being named player of the season in the Championship in his first year in England and winning the EFL Championship Golden Boot. He has twice been Finnish Footballer of the year and once Finnish Sports Personality of the Year and in his first campaign in the Premier League won Player of the Month in August 2019. Two years Pukki’s senior, Tim Krul has had a similarly eclectic career, starting out at ADO Den Haag in the Netherlands before making his way to Newcastle, where loans at clubs from Falkirk to Ajax, Carlisle to AZ Alkmaar followed. On the world stage too, despite fairly limited caps, Krul was part of the team that finished third at the 2014 World Cup, where his contribution was notable in his being the first keeper sent on as substitute specifically for a penalty shootout at the World Cup – and what’s more, he delivered, saving two of Costa Rica’s five penalties to see his side advance.

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Book Review: Football for Brains! by Steven End

The lockdown during COVID saw people turn to various activities whilst at home. For Steven End it provided the opportunity to produce a book, prompted by the loss of a relative to dementia and the increasing cases in the football world, called Football for Brains! The title reflecting that this is predominantly a quiz book of football questions to get the grey matter ticking, and additionally that the author is making donation to The Scores Project (details below) looking into dementia at the University of East Anglia.

It is not End’s first writing venture, having independently published the Ups and Downs of Ipswich Town in December 1997. This latest offering though whilst dominated by over 700 football quiz questions (741 to be precise), there are also some very short articles on the following, Collecting Cards and Stickers, A diary of a memorabilia Collector, Football Programme Reviews, eBay news and views before and during lockdown, Football in Lockdown, Promotion Winning Canaries, and Family Footie between lockdowns.

Like any good quizzer will know, the questions are only easy if you know the answer! To give you an indication of the type of questions there are in this book, here are the first and last questions.

(1) Everton beat Liverpool 2-0 in the Premier League on 20th February 2021. Can you remember the last time Everton overcame Liverpool in the Premier League?

(741) Brett Emerson played internationally for which country?

The questions vary in style, so there are some anagrams, some multiple choice, some true or false and as above just straight questions, which take in non-league players, managers and teams all the way through to the international game.

It would perhaps have been good to have sections within the questions so that for instance, readers would be presented with a set of questions on stadiums and grounds, another on players and so on. However, this is a book that will be ideal for those away days sat on a train or in the car as fans travel to games or for those having a few pre-match drinks.

As detailed above, a donation from the sale of each book goes to The Scores Project which is an independent research study designed to better understand the cognitive health of athletes as they age. Their current focus is on former professional footballers and studying links between dementia, head injuries and heading the ball.

(Independently published. April 2021. Paperback: 100 pages)

 

Book Review: Norwich City – The Nineties by Edward Couzens-Lake

Author Edward Couzens-Lake has produced a number of books on Norwich City, with this latest offering part of a series which has seen the Canaries explored through the Seventies and Eighties. Given the volume of work that the author has produced on the Norfolk club, there is no doubt that he is an authoritative voice on the team from Carrow Road and it is in reflected in this particular book.

In this edition Couzens-Lake reviews the fortunes of Norwich City through the biggest transformation in English football, that being the creation of the FA Premier League in the 1992/93 season. The Canaries were part of the old First Division in 1991/92 and having avoided relegation, became founder members of the Premier League.

Those years in the top-flight dominate the book and include the highs of the third-place finish in that inaugural Premier League campaign and the UEFA Cup games the following season and the lows when in the 1994/95 campaign they went into freefall at the back end of the season and were relegated.

The Club wouldn’t go on to regain their place in Premier League during the rest of the decade and instead the Canaries tale is one of changes in the managerial hot-seat, injuries to key players, and the selling of the best talent to balance the books as the club had to adjust to the reality of life in the Championship. The closing chapter is an interesting view of how the ‘whole new ball game’ impacted football in England and especially for clubs of the size of Norwich City.

Overall this is a book primarily aimed at the Carrow Road faithful and it will provide a useful summary of the decade. Where it may have a wide appeal is in the instances when the author introduces stories from Canaries supporters, providing the fans experience, with one for instance, talking about the UEFA Cup games, which brings a vibrancy and joy to the overall factual tone of this book.

 

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Book Review: My Fight with Life by Leon McKenzie

Robert Enke (2009), Dale Roberts (2010), Gary Speed (2011) – three men from the world of football who in recent years took their own lives. That list has nearly been added to by ex-players such as Dean Windass and the author of My Fight with Life, Leon McKenzie, who have both attempted suicide.

From a football perspective, the book details McKenzie’s journey from making his debut and scoring as a seventeen year old for Crystal Palace in 1995 through to his last playing spell at Corby Town in 2012. McKenzie spent five years at Selhurst Park playing in the Premier League in 1997/98 season with brief loan spells at Fulham and Peterborough United, before permanently signing for The Posh in 2000. McKenzie proved to be a hit with the fans and his form in his three years at Peterborough earned him a move to Norwich City in 2003, where he was part of the side that was promoted to the Premier League. In the 2004/05 season McKenzie proved he could play at the very top level in the English game, but The Canaries were relegated on the last day of the season after capitulating 6-0 at Fulham. However, as the 2005/06 season dawned, problems on and off the field were beginning to impact on McKenzie both physically and mentally. Injuries were starting to significantly cut into his playing time, whilst his marriage was on the ropes. Against this background, McKenzie looked to make a fresh start and signed for Coventry City in 2006. Here though his playing time was again hit by a series of injuries, but he did score his 100th professional goal against previous employers Ipswich Town on the opening day of the 2008/09 season. After three years McKenzie was again on the move this time, this time to Charlton Athletic, where with injuries seemingly bringing him to a standstill and the loneliness of living away from his family, he attempted suicide in 2009. His last professional club was Northampton Town in the 2010/11 season, before short stints at Kettering Town and Corby Town.

McKenzie is forthright in his views of the managers and coaches he worked under during his playing career. These range from then Crystal Palace boss Steve Coppell who McKenzie describes as “…a great bloke and real inspiration…” to Alan Smith (whilst at Crystal Palace) and Gary Johnson (whilst at Northampton) as “…by far the two worst managers…ever encountered…” The Professional Footballers Association doesn’t escape his criticism either, as he lambasts the organisation for its slowness in addressing the issue of depression in current and ex-players.

Away from the football, McKenzie is equally direct when talking about his life whether it be his famous boxing relatives, (dad, Clinton McKenzie and uncle, Duke), his marriage break-up, his stint in prison for motoring offences, his plans for the future as a professional boxer or working for Elite Welfare Management advising players about depression. There is much to be admired in that McKenzie is so open in talking about the depression he suffered and the attempted suicide, detailing and understanding how his injuries, coming to the end of a career and the impact of his childhood and family life, brought him to that fateful date in 2009.

However, the book suffers from a numbers of errors which proof-reading should have picked up on and from a lack of editing. This book would have been better served by a linear timeline rather than chapters which jump back and forth and therefore lack fluidity for the reader. Tighter editing would also have ensured that the repetition which occurs in the book was also avoided and the bizarre change in Chapter 14 where the narrative switches from first-person to the third-person.

Ultimately though, this is a brave story and one which can give hope to people (in whatever walk of life), that out of despair can come a positive future.

 

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Book Review: Barclay Boy: Season in the Sun by James Scoltock

“My name’s James Scoltock, I’m a football fan and so very happily one dimensional” declares the author in his review of a dramatic 12 months for his club, Norwich City.

The 12 months in question are from May 2011 to May 2012 covering the final stages of Norwich’s promotion to the Premier League and their subsequent season in the top flight of English football. I worry that, although this may limit its appeal to fans of Norwich City, there are nevertheless few references to the club’s past and little that is enlightening about the club itself, however it is undoubtedly a passionate and personal view of a significant period of time in the footballing fortunes of the author’s team.

“I have my own favourite moment from the 2011-12 season. Grant Holt winning a free-kick from Laurent Koscielny in the centre-circle at Arsenal. The red majority of 60,000 supporters were up in arms, pouring their vitriol all over the City skipper who stood there, arms outstretched in a nonchalant gesture of innocence. It was the same gesture, the same vitriol City fans had seen from 4,000 supporters at Yeovil and 4,500 fans at Scunthorpe. And now it was happening at Arsenal”. Such an experience; not a result nor a goal, but a sudden realisation that your club’s place in the world has changed will resonate with all football fans. This is from the Foreword and unfortunately such genuinely astute footballing observations are never captured with the same clarity within the book itself.

Where the book succeeds is that it gives an insight into how a football fan’s time can be filled between games and in the close-season; worrying about the last game, worrying about the next game, worrying about who might be leaving or joining and what is being said about the club. And having read the book you will be familiar with much of what was said about the club; there are many transcripts of chat-room conversations and match reviews from nether regions of the internet, as well as more mainstream media content.

Diversions into topics such as Colitis, visits to Japanese football matches and attempts to star in an ESPN trailer for his club add a layer of interest yet, although these elevate it to more than a standard review of the season, surprisingly they give the reader little insight into the author or his character.

It’s an honest and occasionally amusing book with a scattering of typically football-esque mangled clichés such as “hammer in the coffin” and it captures a fan’s experience of a dramatic 12 months for Norwich City.  The fan lives in London, doesn’t get to all the games and supported Liverpool until 2004. That may or may not pique the interest of Norwich supporters who are looking for a book to help them re-live the experience of promotion to the top tier of English football and their relatively successful first season amongst the country’s top teams.

Paul Gowland

 

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2011/12: FA Cup 5th Round

Saturday 18 February 2012 (12.00pm)

In forty years of watching football, the Fifth Round is the only round I’ve never watched a game in. From the Extra Preliminary Round to the Final, I’ve witnessed a fixture at every stage, but for some reason never the Fifth. Today I’ll not be breaking that duck and unless events somehow conspire that I get to see a replay, then the Fifth Round will have to wait until next season at least.

So what of this weekends fixtures? Well for a start, no Friday or Monday games. Five ties today and three tomorrow. Chelsea open proceedings at home to Birmingham City (12.30pm) and for me brings back memories of the time they met in the FA Cup back in 1975, when the Midlands club emerged 1-0 winners at Stamford Bridge. I saw Birmingham demolish Sheffield United in the last Round and on the strength of that and their recent good run I believe they will cause Chelsea problems today. Chelsea came through a difficult game at Loftus Road in the Fourth Round, but all is not right in SW6. I’m going to be bold and take Birmingham to cause an upset today and add to the woes at The Bridge in putting out Chelsea.

The 3.00pm kick-offs see Everton v Blackpool, Norwich City v Leicester City and Millwall v Bolton Wanderers, with Sunderland v Arsenal at 5.15pm. They are an interesting set of games, with numerous sub-plots. Everton have quietly gone about their business in the Cup this year, whist Blackpool are yet to lose a game in 2012. I think this one will go to a draw. For Millwall and Bolton the Cup today brings some respite from their respective poor league campaigns. With Wanderers in the Premier League relegation spots, will manager Coyle pick a weakened side for the visit to The Den? If he does The Lions will be waiting and I’m going for the Championship to upset the odds and make it through. For Norwich and Leicester they can give the tie today a real tilt as both are safe in the Premier League and Championship respectively. The Canaries for me will be to strong for The Foxes at Carrow Road and so will progress.

The last game of the day will see an Arsenal team fresh from a mauling in Milan, take on Sunderland who recently have enjoyed a resurgence under Martin O’Neill. The Sunderland boss will tell his team to forget about the 2-1 loss they suffered only last week to The Gunners and will hope to compound an awful week for Arsene Wenger by dumping Arsenal out of the Cup. Black Cats fans of a certain age will remember the 2-1 win against Arsenal in the Semi-Final in 1973 when Sunderland went on to lift the Cup after beating Leeds United in the Final. I’m going for Sunderland to take this one, as once more another season for The Gunners come to nothing.

Saturday 18 February 2012 (7.30pm)

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. No career as a tipster for me! Five games – only one prediction right. Well, things were looking good at Stamford Bridge, with Birmingham taking the lead on 20 minutes from David Murphy. When Colin Doyle kept out a Juan Mata penalty in the first half, it was looking as the teams went to the break that it was going to be City’s day. With a couple of substitutions in the second half, Chelsea got back in the game just after the hour mark when Daniel Sturridge levelled. The Londoners looked for a winner but instead had to settle for a replay at St Andrew’s. I had gone for a draw at Goodison and home wins for Millwall and Norwich in the 3.00pm games. All were wrong. Everton put the game out of reach of Blackpool within the opening six minutes as goals from Royston Drenthe and Denis Stracqualursi ensured the blue half of Merseyside made it through to the Quarter-Finals. At The Den, Bolton were also quick out of the blocks as Ryo Miyaichi put The Trotters ahead on four minutes. David Ngog scored just before the hour mark to put the tie beyond The Lions and the Premier League team went through. At Carrow Road there was an upset as Leicester City overcame Norwich. In a day of early Cup goals, The Foxes went ahead on five minutes with a Sean St Ledger header. However, The Canaries were level when Wes Hoolahan followed up his own penalty after Kasper Schmeichel had saved the initial spot-kick. Leicester weren’t to be denied though and David Nugent scored a stunning second to send City through. My only correct tip of the day saw Sunderland outplay an Arsenal team who looked liked they wished the season could finish now. Credit to The Black Cats who chased every cause and simply never allowed The Gunners to settle and won through a goal in each half from Kieran Richardson and an own-goal from Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.

Tomorrow sees Crawley Town v Stoke City, Stevenage v Tottenham Hotspur and Liverpool v Brighton. After today, I might as well toss a coin in terms of predictions. However, I’ll go for a draw at Crawley, and wins for Spurs and Liverpool. But don’t bet on it!

Sunday 19 February 2012 (7.30pm)

Another day, another set of pretty poor predictions! In the first of the three games today, despite being reduced to ten-men, Stoke had bits of luck at the right time to claim a 2-0 victory at Crawley. Things didn’t look so good for The Potters when on seventeen minutes Rory Delap was dismissed for a tackle which could have been called either way. Stoke battled away and were awarded a penalty just before half-time, for a nothing sort of challenge. Walters converted and the ten men of Stoke were ahead at the break. Just six minutes into the second half and Stoke were 2-0 ahead when a towering header from Peter Crouch broke Crawley hearts. The Potters controlled proceedings, but were lucky not to concede a penalty at the end of the game, when Danny Collin’s clearly handled on the line. Could a second Wembley appearance be looming for Stoke?

Stevenage and Tottenham were involved a real old ding-dong of a game which belied the final score-line of 0-0. Whilst there was not a great many shots on goal, it was an all-action Cup-tie. Spurs did have the ball in the net and were perhaps unfortunate that Scott Parker was on the goal-line as he deflected in Saha’s goal bound effort. That would have been harsh on Stevenage who served a replay.

The final game of the day and indeed of the round was a strange old affair. At half-time Liverpool were ahead 2-1 in a competitive first forty five minutes. Martin Skrtel had given The Reds the lead on five minutes, with Brighton level on seventeen minutes through Kazenga Lua Lua. Just before the break an own goal from Liam Bridcutt put Liverpool back in front. Four more goals and a missed penalty followed in the second-half as The Seagulls self-destructed. Andy Caroll made it 3-1 just before the hour mark, with Bridcutt getting his second own-goal and another own goal from Lewis Dunk to make it 5-1. Suarez had a penalty saved with ten minutes to go, but did score four minutes later to wrap up a 6-1 victory, ensuring both Merseyside clubs made it to the Quarter-Finals.

That just leaves the draw for the Quarter-Finals to wrap things up – and no, I’m not going to be making any more predictions!

 Quarter-Final draw:

Chelsea/Birmingham City v Leicester City

Everton v Sunderland

Liverpool v Stoke City

Stevenage/Tottenham Hotspur v Bolton Wanderers