Peter Crouch – FOOTBALL BOOK REVIEWS (FBR)

Book Review: How to Be an Ex-Footballer by Peter Crouch

All good things come in threes, just ask any footballer who’s ever scored a hat-trick. In fact, ask Peter Crouch who has scored many a hat-trick and has just released his third book. So that’s a hat-trick for a England and a hat-trick of books to his name, surely placing the former forward in a league of his own as the only person to have achieved a triumvirate in both fields? Answers on a postcard if you know otherwise. But, either way, both accomplishments are no mean feat and just as with a hat-trick the third goal seals the deal, so too does Crouch’s third book affirm what his previous two tomes pointed towards: Crouch is a natural and compelling storyteller. Having previously covered the weird and wonderful life of being a footballer to great effect, this latest book changes its focus slightly to the weird and wonderful life of being a former football, that is the jobs and careers of retired footballers, and, no, before you ask, it’s not all working on their golf handicap, though, I’m sure, a few of them do that too.

Joking aside, though, Crouch reflects on the fact that life after football often isn’t the fantasy many envision. Despite the money increasingly in football, retiring young comes with very real psychological, emotional, physical and sometimes financial burdens, oftentimes which footballers just aren’t ready for, so while an image of a former tough-tackling midfielder living the life of riley in the Cotswolds may come to mind, in reality the shift into retirement and what that looks like can be much less appealing. Savvy players may head into retirement with a healthy nest egg and with the figures that are banded around the pro game today it seems there should be few excuses for former footballers to have financial difficulties, although the book suggests this too isn’t always the case. Whether for financial reasons or a need to fill the void, many former footballers find themselves pursuing new careers when they’ve hung up their boots and Crouch explores the obvious and not-so-obvious post-football pathways.

From managers to pundits, artists to actors, restaurateurs to teachers, the book concentrates on a number of different professions, with Crouch identifying some of the former players now plying their very different trades and discussing some of these careers with the players themselves, including Gavin Peacock who swapped the penalty box for the pulpit as a priest and Jody Craddock who put down his shinpads and picked up a paintbrush for a successful career as an artist. There are former players who have ditched the glitz and glamour of the global sports business for the nitty-gritty of life as a fireman, van driver or even an undertaker, while other pros have replaced one high-flying role for another as hedge fund managers and Hollywood heroes. There is a tattooist, a sanitation consultant and a president, a vacuum entrepreneur, a detective and a wrestler, and then there’s Tino Asprilla, whose post-football pursuits I won’t spoil for you, but he’s certainly found a niche! It’s an eye-opening exploration of life after football, delivered, as ever, with Crouch’s natural humour and wry observations. However, there’s also a more serious undercurrent to the book, which Crouch touches on in his final chapter.

Titled The Troubled, Crouch explores the darker side of retirement and reflects on those whose paths in and beyond football have been more problematic. It’s a reminder of footballers as human beings, their flaws and challenges, their addictions and struggles, their mistakes and reparations. Yes, football is glamorous, yes, it’s swimming in money and, yes, playing football for a living is a dream many of us wished we’d got a chance to live, but it also comes with a short shelf life, a pool of sharks and scammers and one of the most abrupt shifts imaginable, from superstar footballer to has-been ex-footballer. It’s a lot for anyone to get their head around, but for mostly young men who have only experienced life in a pampered, dreamlike bubble, it’s easy to see how navigating the real world can be a genuine challenge and why some prefer to leave their footballing pasts well and truly behind. For every successful pundit, there’s a footballer struggling to adjust to life; and while some may find a new lease in becoming a painter, a detective or an MP, the path for others isn’t quite so rewarding. In a Jerry Springer-esque final thought, Crouch thus asks of his readers a simple request: to choose a former footballer and give them a day: ‘mark it in your diary and celebrate them as they once were, and as they are now,’ he urges, ‘don’t’ let them be forgotten.’

So, in the spirit of Crouch’s appeal, I allocate today, the 22 October, George Boateng Day. Stalwart of Coventry City, Villa, Middlesbrough and Hull to name a few, Boateng hung up his boots in 2013 and is now assistant coach of the Ghana national team. Happy George Boateng Day, everyone.

Jade Craddock

(Publisher: Ebury Press. October 2022. Hardcover: 288 pages)

Other reviews:

How to be a Footballer by Peter Crouch

I, Robot – How to be a Footballer 2 by Peter Crouch

Buy the book here:Peter Crouch

Category: Book Shelf | LEAVE A COMMENT

Q&A with Jade Craddock. Part 1 – Writing and ‘Football She Wrote’ anthology

FBR has some talented contributors, none more so that Jade Craddock who has been a regular writer for FBR with her insightful book reviews and additionally articles covering the delayed 2020 Euros and the start of the 2021/22 Premier League and Women’s Super League. Jade’s talents have been recognised with a chapter in Football She Wrote. As part of the launch of the book, FBR caught up with Jade to find out a bit more about her football and writing background. This first part of the interview looks at Jade’s involvement in writing and Football She Wrote.

FBR: Congratulations on getting published in the anthology. What can you tell us about the book?

Jade Craddock (JC): Thank you. I think I’m right in saying – at least I hope I am! – that Football She Wrote is the first book of its kind, the first anthology of women’s football writing, and that is something that is really exciting to me and something I’m hugely proud to be part of.

FBR: So how did you get involved in the book?

JC: Football She Wrote is the brainchild of Ian Ridley of Floodlit Dreams and Women in Football, who’d spotted a gap in football writing and realised there were plenty of women out there writing about football or wanting to write about it, so they got ten current female football writers on board and then launched a competition to find a further ten new female football writers to create an anthology of twenty new pieces of writing. I came across the competition one day and was inspired to enter. I had never written anything long-form before and never really thought about doing so, but the competition and the chance to be published gave me the motivation to do so. I’ve been writing football book reviews for a couple of years and been immersed in the sport for over twenty years as a player and a fan and spend a lot of time watching and thinking about football, so I figured I’d give the competition a go. If I got chosen, amazing; if I didn’t, I genuinely enjoyed exploring the area I chose to write about. I submitted the piece back in February, cautiously hopeful, and received an email in May to tell me my piece had been selected. From then on, it’s been a mad but exciting experience.

FBR: What is your chapter about and what was the inspiration behind writing it?

JC: I’m often thinking about football and tend to get a bit carried away in my own head, thinking of hypotheticals and different scenarios. I’m not sure what game I was watching or how exactly it came about, but I was wondering how the Premier League would look if instead of an eleven-a-side game, the format was five-a-side. Would the so-called big six still come out on top or actually would condensing the teams down erase the disparity? From there, I began thinking about what the ‘best’ Premier League five-a-side team would look like and realised there would probably be only a handful of names in the mix, but I wondered if there was another way of thinking about possible Premier League five-a-side line-ups that wouldn’t be the same-old, same-old, so I came up with a number of categories – most appearances, youngest, oldest, etc, and it snowballed from there. In the end, because of the word limit, I chose maybe ten or so categories, but I had a whole list of potential line-ups and there’d be some pretty good games in there if they ever came about!

FBR: What impact do you anticipate the book will have?

I just hope it gets seen, that even if people don’t read it or buy it, they may stop and take a look when they’re browsing for books and have a quick glance at what it’s about. That’s not to say I don’t want people to buy it, of course! But the most important thing to me is visibility. When I was younger, women’s football wasn’t visible and that really limited opportunities. Once you were aware of women’s football, it opened up so many more opportunities. In the same way, having a book written by women about football will hopefully make women’s football writing much more visible and open doors for those interested in it.

FBR: How did you get involved in writing?

JC: In truth, I don’t really feel as if I’m involved in writing necessarily. That may sound counterintuitive given that I have a chapter that I’ve written now published in a book, but I don’t suddenly see myself as a writer or part of a writing world. I obviously write book reviews pretty regularly and I have also written a range of pieces for FBR, and this brings me incredible satisfaction and is certainly something I plan to continue and develop, but outside of that I don’t write anything else. Whether that will change going forward, I don’t know. I certainly enjoyed writing this chapter, but it also gave me even greater respect for the authors whose books I review, having now experienced in miniature the time and effort that goes into it. I have lots of ideas but turning those into the finished article is the tricky thing!

FBR: You mentioned you have plenty of ideas, but what book would you most like to see written?

JC: Cesc Fabregas’s autobiography – but only if I can write it! In all honesty, though, football writing – and sports writing more generally – is something I’m really passionate about, but which I also feel is grossly under published. There are a number of dedicated sports publishers, like Floodlit Dreams, Pitch Publishing, Reach Sport, etc, who do an incredible job of finding and publishing sports writing and lead the way, but they can’t do everything, and I think other publishers should be doing more to support sports writing and making sure it continues to grow. There are so many stories out there that just aren’t getting told; you only have to look at the number of football autobiographies published, for instance, and it’s just a tiny fraction of the football world.

Matt Piper: Out of the Darkness – My life in football

I’m a great believer that every player – every person – has a story and they’re just out there waiting to be told. Look at any football club right now, and there’s some 25 to 30 first-team players, multiply that across the Premier League and that’s over 500 players, multiply that across the Football League and it’s over 2,000 players, yet probably only around 10 or 20 autobiographies are published each year. And that doesn’t even take into account the generations of players that have gone before – literally thousands of them. Of course, it may be that players don’t want to share their stories and that’s absolutely their right, but, conversely, I suspect there are a host that do. They may not be the seeming ‘stars’ of the game, but oftentimes these narratives offer the most important and interesting stories. Take Nicklas Bendtner, for example. He is probably not the first name on fans’ lips when it comes to football icons and autobiographies you’d want to read, but his is one of the most engaging, eye-opening and frank football books I’ve read. Similarly, Matty Piper, whose career ended prematurely, may be little known outside Leicester, but his is an incredibly important story about the darker side of football. Neither of these players are ones that would necessarily spring to mind when drafting a list of potential subjects for autobiographies, but they prove that there are a range of stories out there waiting to be told. It shouldn’t just be the big names, the success stories that are published, but books should reflect the many sides and experiences in football; players who’ve been let go, who’ve had to retire early, who’ve moved into different areas of the game, who’ve come back from injury, who’ve played in lower leagues. The best stories are not necessarily the most well-known, the most obvious, and with so many players past and present, the choice really is wide open. Of course, there is a commercial side to it, and I wouldn’t begin to suggest I have any knowledge of that – and, ultimately, books have to sell and make money, but I genuinely think there is a world of unpublished books out there that need to be found, published and promoted.

In terms of picking books that I would like to see published, autobiography-wise, there’s a number of female footballers I’d love to see in print – there’s whole generations of players from the seventies, eighties, nineties and even 2000s that were integral to the development of women’s football that have gone unrecognised and will surely have incredible stories to share.

In terms of men’s football, I’d love to see Freddie Ljungberg and Gilberto Silva, and of current players, Hector Bellerin and Jesse Lingard. I’m also a huge fan of the Micah Richards/Roy Keane bromance and surely there’s a book in that somewhere. Other stories from within clubs would be great to hear too; I know there’s a recipe book coming out shortly by Mona Nemmer – Liverpool’s head of nutrition – for instance, and it’s this sort of innovation and a different way of engaging with the reading public that is really great to see.

As for football writers, I devoured Daniel Gray’s backlist during lockdown and anyone who’s read my reviews on here will know I’m chomping at the bit for another book from him – he’s just a superb writer. So, in a rather convoluted way, my answer to the question is there’s no end of books I’d like to see written and there’s plenty I could suggest, but the best books are maybe not the ones you expect and that’s why the work of football publishers is so crucial.

FBR: To finish – if you were on a desert island what three football books would you take with you?

JC: I’m not really one for re-reading books and it would have to be a pretty amazing book for me to go back to it. There’s plenty of books that I’ve loved but, in truth, only one that I would choose to read again – How to be a Footballer by Peter Crouch. That would definitely make the desert island cut, not least because if I’m stuck on a desert island I’m going to need something to lift my spirits, and this is genuinely one of the funniest books I’ve read across all genres. I’m a big fan of stats and love to dive into records and the like, so my second pick would be something like England Players’ Records by Graham Betts. And finally, I’d have to have something new to read, so I’d probably pick Patrice Evra’s forthcoming autobiography, I Love This Game. Although, if I’m going to be stuck on the island for more than a week, I’d somehow have to find a way to get more books delivered, because I’d be lost once I’d finished reading those!

Q&A Part 2

Category: Interviews | 2 Comments

2021/22 Premier League books (Part 3) – Saints to Wolves by Jade Craddock

With the new Premier League season just around the corner and a host of familiar and new players gracing the league, there’s plenty of stories to be written, metaphorically and literally. Here, we take a look at each club and pick an already published autobiography from a player of the Premier League era that’s worth a read and one from the current crop that would appeal.

Southampton

Past: Southampton go into 2021/22 in their tenth straight campaign in the Premier League. When the league kicked off in 1992, the Saints enjoyed twelve seasons at the top, but their thirteenth proved unlucky as they were relegated in 20^th place in 2005. Worse was yet to come as four seasons in the Championship ended in relegation to League One in 2009. But it was only a brief stay with Nigel Adkins steering the Saints back to the Championship in two seasons, with the help of Rickie Lambert’s goals, before a second consecutive promotion from the Championship back to the Premier League in 2011/12. As far as past players go, the Saints boast the likes of Gareth Bale, Sadio Mane and Virgil van Dijk, but there’s only really one man who’s synonymous with the South Coast side – Matt Le Tissier. Le Tissier spent all of his career at Southampton, having joined the youth set-up in 1985, eventually bidding St Mary’s farewell seventeen years later. He holds the accolade of the first midfielder to score 100 Premier League goals and was included in the 1994/95 PFA Team of the Year. His wittily titled Taking Le Tiss was published in 2009.

Present: The departure of Danny Ings to Villa this summer may have caught many out, and the Saints will be keen to hold on to their other star men as they head into the season, none more so than James Ward-Prowse, who, like Le Tissier, is currently a one-club man, racking up a decade in the senior team and almost twenty years at the club in total. He would make a very good case for a Southampton autobiography. Young guns like Kyle Walker Peters and Nathan Tella are ones to watch, while Che Adams has begun to make his mark. However, with his return to his boyhood club, initially on loan in 2020, before making the deal permanent, Theo Walcott’s journey would make for an interesting read. Although an autobiography was published in 2011, Theo: Growing Up Fast, the following decade has been as eventful as his early years and at thirty-two he’s well placed to look back on a career that started in earnest at just sixteen. Indeed, sixteen years in the Premier League is certainly something to write home about.

Tottenham Hotspur

Past: One of the Premier League mainstays, Tottenham’s lowest finish in the top flight came in 1993/94 when they ended up in fifteenth. The nineties and early 2000s saw them finish in and around mid-table, but by 2006 they had become regular top-half finishers and participants in Europe. Major trophies have largely eluded the North London side, with just the League Cup in 2008 to their name in recent times, although a Champions League final was on the cards in 2019, but they came unstuck in an all-English tie against Liverpool. New manager Nuno Espirito Santo, brought in this summer, has begun to ring the changes, but the football world’s eyes will be singularly on the future of Harry Kane. And he’s not the only iconic marksman that Spurs have had in the Premier League era, but, interestingly, neither Robbie Keane nor Jermain Defoe, to name but two, have published autobiographies yet, but with Defoe still banging in the goals for Rangers, there’s plenty of time for that. Similarly, perhaps Tottenham’s biggest ever superstar, or certainly their biggest ever money-earner, Gareth Bale hasn’t yet put pen to paper on his momentous career, but between Wales and Real Madrid, there’s still presumably lots to be written. In terms of those with autobiographies already published, both Luka Modric and Ledley King options are available, but there are few better reads out there across the entirety of the football book world than Peter Crouch’s How To Be A Footballer and I, Robot, both of which benefit from Crouch’s trademark humour. Better yet, a third book looks slated for release next year.

Present: As England captain and current Premier League Golden Boot holder, it is hard to look beyond Harry Kane for a future autobiography regardless of what the next couple of weeks bring. But as the transfer saga rumbles on, let’s turn our attention to other Spurs players. Eric Dier and Hugo Lloris have been Tottenham mainstays for seven and nine years respectively. Dier’s start offered a somewhat different route to a lot of England players, having begun his journey in Portugal with Sporting CP, before moving to England with Tottenham. Lloris, meanwhile, began in his native France with Nice and latterly Lyon but has spent the bulk of his career in the Premier League. As captain of France, he led Les Bleus to both the final at Euro 2016, eventually finishing runners-up, before going one better two years later at the World Cup in Russia, where France triumphed over Croatia. Whilst Dele Alli has found himself on the fringes in recent times, at still only 25, there is plenty more to come from the MK Dons youngster. A mercurial talent Alli was soon spotted at the League One side and was named PFA Young Player of the Year in his first two consecutive seasons in the Premier League. He has played at both a Euros and World Cup, racking up almost 40 caps, but missed out on this summer’s entertainment. But when it comes to the final pick, it has to be Son Heung-Min who has taken the Premier League by storm since his arrival in 2015, growing into one of the league’s top performers, winning the Premier League Player of the Month three times, Goal of the Month three times, Goal of the Season once and the Puskas Award in 2020. He has notched various awards as Asian International Player of the Year and Korean Player of the Year.

Watford

Past: In its 29 seasons, Watford have featured in the Premier League for seven campaigns. In 1992, they were playing in Division 1 and fell to Division 2 in 1996, before consecutive promotions in 1998 and 1999 saw them join the top flight for the first time. However, it was the briefest of stays with the Hornets immediately dropping back down. Several seasons in Division 1/Championship followed, before a return to the Premier League in 2006. But history was to repeat itself with the London outfit managing just the single campaign. Eight years in the Championship followed before Watford once again made it to the top, and this time their stay extended across five seasons before their relegation in 2020. However, the Hornets bounced back at the first time of asking, finishing second last season to begin anew in the Premier League this time out. Like many teams outside of the so-called big six, Watford players haven’t typically been the subject of autobiographies. However, one man central to Watford’s past has penned his life In His Own Words – the late Graham Taylor. Manager of the Hornets for ten years, he led Watford from the Fourth Division to the First in five years and three years later was England manager. He returned to Watford for a second spell in charge from 1996 to 2001.

Present: There is a case for saying that two of Watford’s best players are part of the current squad and both would be suitable picks for an autobiography. In fact, Cassell have beaten me to the punch, by landing Troy Deeney’s memoir, Redemption, which will be published next month and will chart his footballing career from Chelmsley Town, whilst training as a bricklayer, to becoming captain of a Premier League side and leading the line for Watford for over a decade. The second man to rival Deeney’s charge is Watford’s current number 1. Ben Foster had two loan seasons at Watford, picking up Player of the Season in 2006/2007, before moving there on a permanent basis in 2018. His has been a meandering journey that saw him start out in Southern League Division One West for Racing Club Warwick whilst also training as a chef. Turning professional in 2001, he made the move to Stoke and saw time on loan at Bristol City, Tiverton Town, Stafford Rangers, Kidderminster Harriers and Wrexham. In 2005 came the biggest move of his career as he was signed by Manchester United, but appearances were hard to come by in his five years at Old Trafford, two seasons of which were spent on loan at Watford. Interim moves to Birmingham City and West Brom followed, but Foster has taken to life as Watford’s number one.

West Ham United

Past: Despite starting the Premier League era outside of the top flight, West Ham soon rectified that with automatic promotion at the end of that first campaign in 1993. Ten years of top-flight football followed, which included a season in Europe. The Hammers have twice been relegated in subsequent years, first in 2003 and again in 2012, but their time out of the Premier League has been minimal, with them bouncing back quickly on both occasions. The new season is their tenth consecutive in the Premier League since their return to the top in 2012, with a sixth-placed finish last time out signalling a marked improvement on previous seasons. When it comes to former players, West Ham have boasted some big names, including Frank Lampard, Rio Ferdinand and Michael Carrick who have all gone on to pen autobiographies, whilst other Hammers graduates are still absent from the bookshelves. Whilst Tony Cottee’s affiliation with the club spans almost a decade, he spent just two years with the Hammers in the Premier League era and released his autobiography, centred on the club, in 2012. Paolo Di Canio may not have been at West Ham as long as Cottee but his legacy continues. Few can forget his goal against Wimbledon that is one of the iconic moments in the league’s history and earnt Di Canio BBC Goal of the Season and Hammer of the Year. Although he never represented Italy at senior level, Di Canio’s career saw him represent some of the biggest names in Serie A, where he won the league and UEFA cup. The Inside Story told in Paolo Di Canio: The Autobiography was published in 2001.

Present: It would be relatively easy to make a case for a number of current West Ham players: Lukasz Fabianski who started off at Lech Poznan before breaking into the Premier League at Arsenal; Craig Dawson whose circuitous journey to the top started off at Radcliffe Borough; New Zealand captain Winston Reid who represented his nation at this summer’s Olympics; Michail Antonio who has been the Hammers top scorer in the last two seasons (joint with Tomas Soucek in 2020/21); and despite being 21, who can rule out Declan Rice, who as well as pushing himself into the England spotlight in recent seasons also has the habit of becoming a meme. But there’s no denying that really there’s only one name when it comes down to it: Mark Noble – nicknamed Mr West Ham. Indeed, despite brief loans at Hull and Ipswich Town and an early blooding at Arsenal, Noble has been a part of the furniture at West Ham since 2000 – over twenty years. With players barely seeing out contracts these days, Noble has put in enough service for the Hammers for two testimonials, but prior to the coming season he announced that 2020/21 would be his last at West Ham, having racked up over 400 appearances. It remains to be seen what Noble will do after he’s hung up his boots, but publishers may just want to get a phone call in early.

Wolverhampton Wanderers

Past: Wolvers were one of the founding members of the Football League in 1888 and have had some memorable moments in the sun in their 140-plus history. When the Premier League kicked off, however, Wolves weren’t at the top any longer and spent the first eleven seasons in Division 1. A brief foray into the top flight came in 2003/04, but it was back to the Championship for another five seasons before Wolves got their second shot at the big time. Their stay lasted three seasons, but subsequent relegations saw them drop down to the third tier in 2013. The Midlands men bounced back straight away and with new ownership and management in charge made a concerted push for the Premier League, which paid dividends in 2018. Wolves’ return to the top flight saw them secure Europa League football at the first time of asking and now new manager Bruno Lage will be looking to bring the European nights back to Molineux. When it comes to Wolves’ greats in the Premier League era, despite never having experienced the top flight himself, Steve Bull remains a legend for a generation of supporters and his book My Memories of Wolves was released in 2003. Top pick, however, goes to Carl Ikeme, whose book Why Not Me was published in 2019 and charts the former goalkeeper’s biggest battle, off the pitch, with leukaemia.

Present: Since stepping up to the Premier League in 2019, Wolves have caught many an eye, thanks to an impressive roster of players. Ruben Neves, Adama Traore and Raul Jimenez are amongst the star men at Molineux, but stalwarts like Romain Saiss and Willy Boly have been an integral part of their journey into the Premier League. Whilst talented youngsters Pedro Neto and Rayan Ait-Nouri are ones for the future, few players come more experienced than Wolves’ midfield maestro Joao Moutinho, who boasts several league titles in Portugal and one in France, the UEFA Cup and European Championship. But when it comes to wresting a publishing opportunity away from Moutinho, Conor Coady is the man. The former Liverpool youngster may have felt his opportunity for the top flight had slipped away when he was released by the Reds in 2014, but he’s taken his chance at Wolves with both hands. A natural captain and reconfigured as a central defender, Coady is very much at place in the top flight, and equally in the England set-up. Despite missing out on minutes at this summer’s Euros, the former England U20 captain is clearly an asset to any team and his post-match conferences and appearances on Monday Night Football also highlight his ease and warmth. A publisher’s dream, I imagine.

Category: General | LEAVE A COMMENT

Top Ten Football Books: Jonny Brick

Born in Watford, Jonny Brick was actually raised to support Tottenham Hotspur during the Ledley King years. After spending five years in Scotland and going cold on English football, Jonny chose to wander along to Vicarage Road in 2012, where he saw Watford beat Burnley 3-2 on a sunny Saturday. Having spent most of the 2010s working on a bumper book, A Modern Guide to Modern Football, Jonny chose to promote it via a series of interviews with football readers, writers and reporters. The very first interviewee was the editor of this website.

1 The Collected Works of Mike Calvin

You know how you can have all 37 plays by Shakespeare? If I can have the pentalogy by Mike Calvin in one volume I’d be in heaven. It would also free up four slots in my list. It’s easier for me to lump them all together: Family is the best because you end up caring about Millwall. No Hunger In Paradise, The Nowhere Men and Living On the Volcano argue the case for young players, scouts and managers respectively, while State of Play was written as an update on Arthur Hopcraft’s terrific The Football Man. Hopcraft’s heir is a council estate kid from Watford. A National Treasure.

2 The Billionaires Club by James Montague

Having trotted around the world for his previous two books, James turns his aim on the boardroom. Only someone who loves football so much can pick it apart so greatly and James tries to remain objective in his description of the villains and heroes of English football ownership. What’s going on with Chinese investors in the Midlands? This book shows how the best sausage in the world gets made.

3 Inverting The Pyramid by Jonathan Wilson

When I was supposed to be working on my Masters thesis I was instead gobbling up the scholarly text on tacticians. This is a good introduction to Jon’s fine prose style, mixing fact and witticism, and he has fine-tuned it in ten other books on Hungary, Argentina, the ‘Barcajax’ way of Barcelona and the goalkeepers.

4 The Game of Our Lives by David Goldblatt

His two encyclopaedias, The Ball Is Round and The Age of Football, are intimidating. His social history of England and its football is digestible and fully deserving of its prizes.

5 How To Be A Footballer by Peter Crouch

This is a better class of football memoir, as its sales figures indicate. Tom Fordyce’s long similes sometimes overpower the Ealing-born beanpole but Peter, a rare middle-class footballer, has enough self-deprecation to laugh with and at elite football.

6 Always Managing by Harry Redknapp

A leftfield pick. He might not be able to write his name, but he has written five books. This was the memoir he wrote after leaving management so he could afford to settle scores and be (pun coming up) frank. He’s very good on football in the pre-Premiership era, where you can smell the dubbin on the page.

7 Can We Have Our Football Back by John Nicholson

With the help of pros, broadcasters and critics, Johnny convincingly destroys the case for having a Sky subscription, while making points about society, money and class. He may be a little too hippie for some but he has thousands of admirers from his Football365 columns, of which this is sort of a life’s work. The Hermit of any Football Library.

8 Richer Than God by David Conn

A Manchester City fan holds his nose and investigates his beloved club in the wake of the Abu Dhabi regime winning its first trophies. Success is good, as is the regeneration of Eastlands but at what cost? A perfect warm-up for his book on the Fall of FIFA.

9 Saturday 3pm by Daniel Gray

This is a perfect stocking filler for a nostalgic football fan: 50 vignettes of 500 words or so about the little things that matter about life as a fanatic. A third book is out in time for Christmas 2020. Treat yourself!

10 Does Your Rabbi Know You’re Here by Anthony Clavane

The movie Airplane has a gag about Jewish sporting heroes. Anthony extends a ‘pamphlet’ to a book, where the likes of Brian Glanville, David Pleat and Mark Lazarus all come out well. The founding fathers of the Premier League, meanwhile, are both Jewish: David Dein and Irving Scholar. Mazaltov!!

On the Bench

The complete works of Duncan Hamilton, including his books on Clough (Provided You Don’t Kiss Me) and fandom (Going to the Match). Das Reboot by Rafael Hoenigstein, which started with Germany losing 5-1 to England and ended in glory. Futebol by Alex Bellos, an encomium to Jogo Bonito. Lastly, Enjoy the Game by Lionel Birnie, a must for anyone interested in Watford and the Glory Glory Taylor years.

Category: Top Ten Football Books | LEAVE A COMMENT

Book Review: I, Robot – How to Be a Footballer 2 by Peter Crouch

Peter Crouch’s How to Be A Footballer was one of the publishing hits of last 2018, notching shortlist nominations for both the National Book Awards and Telegraph Sports Book Awards. Unsurprisingly, therefore, Crouch’s publishers have been quick to make hay on the former England striker’s seamless transition into the literary world by bringing out a second book – I, Robot – How to Be A Footballer 2 – a little over twelve months later. It’s a rather unprecedented move in the world of sports autobiographies, which tend to be separated by years, or even decades (if at all), rather than months (Crouch’s strike partner Michael Owen waited fifteen years for the privilege), but such was the runaway success of Crouch’s first offering, in large part thanks to his dry wit and entertaining take on life as a footballer, in contrast to the often predictable, and dare I say it bland, rags to riches tales of old.

Book two is very much more of the same with regards to the format and tone. The chapters take a theme – Strikers, Nerves, Tackling, etc – and Crouch offers musings and anecdotes from his own experiences. I did feel a bit of déjà vu in the initial chapters and worried maybe this would be a case of the dreaded second-book syndrome, especially coming so soon after the first book, whose novelty and freshness had set it apart. The wit and playfulness are still there from the offset, but I felt the book grew into its own after a few chapters and once again gave that same sense of fun and humour as its predecessor. The chapter on referees particularly showcases everything that Crouch, and this book excels at, with the sort of relatable comic observations associated with the best stand-ups. Similarly, the chapter on the subs bench captures, with perfect wit, the footballer’s relationship to being a substitute. And what Crouch does so brilliantly is take apart the standard football clichés and discloses what really goes on in the minds and dressing rooms of modern footballers – sometimes, there is an I in team, especially, according to Crouch, if you’re a striker. In truth, a lot of what Crouch says isn’t shocking or revealing – nobody wants to be a sub, strikers can sabotage goals for other strikers, some players feign injuries, there’s nothing wrong with 4-4-2 – but footballers have become so accustomed to being part of the diplomatic PR machine that oftentimes the reality is masked behind commercial savoir-faire. Crouch’s honesty, therefore, is a breath of fresh air. And yet, even as he throws playful jibes at his team-mates, it all feels exactly that – playful and harmless. He’s not a footballer with a grudge and this is not a book with an agenda – it’s purely an open, light-hearted, savvy take on football from the inside and it is great fun to read.

Although the book touches on all the main aspects of the game, there’s one glaring omission in the current climate – VAR. I suspect, given that the book published in October, when it went to print, there was little chance to observe the new technology in all its ‘glory’, but it would be interesting to have Crouch’s thoughts on this. Perhaps, that’s lined up for Book 3? To my mind, despite the success of this second book, I think a third in the same vein may be pushing it, but personally I’d love to see a book in the mould of the recent Ask a Footballer (James Milner) with Crouch fielding questions from fans on all manner of football-related queries. But, for now, Crouch has certainly struck gold for a second time with I, Robot. His publishers may have to change the subtitle of the book for the paperback release to How to Be a Footballer and Also A Best-Selling Publishing Sensation.

Jade Craddock

Category: Reviews | LEAVE A COMMENT